Kinda in a funk

Usually the holidays make me feel happy and light but this year I am a little gloomier than usual.

Not sure why.

Maybe when I get my tree up I will get excited.

I have been sick and quarantined for so long that I think it is getting to me.

My birthday is coming up, another year older, oh JOY. One year closer to middle age.I am ALWAYS SICK OR IN THE HOSPITAL the week or Thanksgiving and my Birthday :(

Today is the anniversary of the day my mom's mother died, which makes me sad. Then I get thinking about Pap paw :( and all the special things he did for us for Christmas...and I get missing him.

I get sad that Houston will never get the excitement of having a brother or sister to share the fun of Christmas with...then I get feeling depressed, and wondering what have I done to only have one live baby out of four. Then I get feeling really bad because I do have one baby, and some people would do anything for that.

I love Houston more than life itself. He is great, I miss him tons today because he has been staying with family so I didn't get him sick. So I think that is where a lot of the yuckiness stims from.

I am really missing friends and family :(

I know I should be thankful for my blessings and I am...but I am a little sad this year too and that makes me feel quilty.